11-11-11 11:11

o, happy day, Happy Day~~, it's 11/11/11 !!! So what, it's just another day dated 11/11/11.
More importantly though, I wonder how it's come to November! What have I done in my year of 2011?
One year left, and i still haven't had any publication... How am I gonna finish my thesis..

Day after day seemed to pass so slowly yet it's already November now.
God.. o God, You're gonna lead me through the next year to publish a thesis, will You not?
Please renew my strength and my joy, to walk and not be faint...
Please keep my heart pure, and remind me each day to see the big picture, be patient and keep working.
that I may stay within Your grace to be the light in this dark tunnel!!

happy 11-11-11 11:11 =D

Invisible walls around me

People say I am friendly, and because of that, well-known in the surrounding area or colleagues... but truth be told, I don't think I have many friends with whom I can just be myself with.. It's like I am always aware of my surrounding and there is like an invisible wall that prevents me from going closer to them.

This is something that I've been struggling with, fear of betrayal or abandonment makes me extra careful in making friends. I choose not to share much of myself unless I know that they show interest in myself as a personal being, not just what I am capable of doing or because I am nice, or I make them have fun, really.

It's just my nature to be careful with my feelings. I have grown up being taught not to trust people, because it's not a safe place out there. But over the years I have learnt that I learnt that God can mend a broken heart, I just need to let Him do His work, don't get in the way or reject Him.

I realized just lately since I lived in the girls house, I could finally see that walls around me. I subconsiously confine my feelings deep within me because I don't think thaey will be able to realte to it... Many many times during the time of sharing I was challenged to just be honest about what I think and how I feel about things... And it feels like I had to make an extra effort to let them see my true self.

It's not like I've never been hurt, as the matter of fact it was because I couldn't open up my heart, the loneliness is building up even when I am not alone, and I realize that it's simply because I haven't really been my true self and being to some of them and God's been nudging me to do so and break the walls.

I like what I found in a website called Jesus Crash:: Seeking the Sacred through real life encounters.

It says...
"We live in an unsafe world. As a result we set up walls to protect our hearts. However, real connection occurs at the heart level. Unless we break down those walls, we will only continue to survive when we were truly meant to thrive. A Heart that is surviving, fights against the world, protecting itself from getting hurt again. A heart that thrives is one that joins with others, and through such connection is built up, grows, helps others to grow, and experiences life that can only occur in true heart-level community. Break through the walls to your heart and truly live."

Not easy, but with His persistent and gentle reminder again and again, I will slowly but surely breakthrough this, just be myself even when I am out of the comfort zone, even with people that I can't really relate to =]

Messy house

"I am not inviting any guests into my house! It is so messy, not a pleasant view for hosting anyone, nobody is gonna enjoy the visit to a dirty place. Plus, it's gonna ruin my reputation if anyone sees this and tells this around." How many of us ever have this thought before?

Is this, possibly, one of the reasons why some people don't want to have God in their lives? I think some of us do realize that our lifestyles are not pleasant in His sight, and we do not want to change, for whatever reasons...(for example maybe we love the parties but hate cleaning up the rubbish, leave them until it's too much to clean and we don't know where to start anymore)

Surely, when God actually knocks at our doors, we have the choice to make, either to:
1. Ignore Him and keep 'hiding' the mess (as if He wouldn't know! but He knows) or,
2. Answer Him, confessing our mess & let Him have a thorough look on the mess so that He can help us with the cleaning

But here is the thing, when we open the door and invite Him into our house, we've gotta know that we need to be prepared to clean our house so that it will be pleasing for His dwelling! Ouch, that's alot of things to do....

But don't worry, He's not gonna let you do it alone. He will tell you how to do it,  where to start, & provide you with the resources needed to change the broken furnitures, bad sound radio, rusty pots, leaking roof, etc etc, that you know will cause more damage if you leave them be...

It's a real good deal, I tell you, you'd love the outcome: a new, clean, healthy, and peaceful house, who doesn't want it?
So, why don't we stop ignoring Him, start praying for His grace to come into our heart and start the cleaning process to create a pure heart, like how He meant it to be.

Like King David prayed [Psalm 51]

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions."
"Create in me a pure heart, o God, ... & grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Vanilla ice cream!

I remember there was a guest speaker coming to FGT to teach in SOTB back in 2010 and he was saying that God is not the kind of dictator who doesn't care about the workers... No, God cares about His servants' interest, even though it might not directly related to the house benefit.

God the Father is loving, like an earthly father who loves & cares for his children. And if the child, who has been behaving well and pleasing to his eyes, asks for some ice cream, will the father refuses him/her? I think he ought to, if the son/daughter has ice cream everyday =p but if it's just once in a while, it will cause no harm, and so why not? He wants his son/daughter to be happy and it's a safe thing to do.

And the preacher went on telling his story of how he desired a huge motorbike, yet he hasn't got the chance to get one because even though he really wants it, he's put his priority based on the benefit to his household and his service to God. He did pray about his desire for a huge motorbike though! Once he had enough money to get a decent one, but he had to let it slips away for something else urgent. But lo & behold, at the end he still got the motorbike, better than the one he planned to get, to his surprise! He was amazed that God would grant his wish, eventhough it's not related to his ministry, and so he was convinced of what a loving King, as told in the bible, whom he serves..

That time I had 3 things in my mind that I really want. Now that i think of them, 1 of them had been granted! I thought it was impossible, but yeah I got it, my choc-mint; I actually came back to Oz! And it's been another journey, through many seasons I stumbled and got up. I'll keep walking and learning, maybe sometimes I'll dance, sometimes I'll crawl, sometimes I'll rest but because of His grace, I will not turn back, I will move forward =D

And the rest of them... God knows that one of the two is a struggle to me, & I am still praying for it, and that is my current desire aside from he Kingdom. When can i have this particular vanilla ice cream? lo & behold!

Deeper Love

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

Rom 12:2

I am sure many of us, Christians, at one point of our walks with God ever asked this question: "How do i know what God wants me to do?" There is no specific technical procedure of getting 'there' but intimacy is the what we'd need to have to unlock that divine understanding.

This is just a sharing of what I've got from ignite and also daily bread devotional that i read at the same night. As the year was nearing to an end, Ps Dave encouraged the young people to seek God, and lay down our burdens before Him, and clean the slate to welcome the new year with joy and hope for the better before the perfection. It's as simply as just come before Him just as you are at cross of Christ, to seek not His 'hands' but His 'face'.

How many of us have been so busy lately that we haven't got time to have quiet time in our rooms and try to listen to His voice speaking to us, to just feel His presence, knowing who He is as He has revealed to us through the holy book; He is almighty yet loving. This time when our mind is renewed by His Words with the help of Holy Spirit's intercession, results in a sense of intimacy with the holy and living God!

When was the last time you were overwhelmed with love and grace?
When was the last time you came to Him and traded your sorrows with joy?
Remember how He had comforted you when you were in distress, when nothing seemed to be right?

You know what, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He wants you to come back to that sacred place only you and Him when you have your sense of security 'in Christ alone'.
When you have that peace that transcends knowledge and understanding, you'll be able to discern Him speaking to you, His Words become alive in you, and your heart's desire will be stirred up to obey Him out of love.

Jesus Himself did say,"If you love me, keep my commandments."

And I like what Oswald Chambers wrote: If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says..."and if I hesitate, it is because I love someone else I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself.”
It is so true. When we obey His commands even though it's the opposite of our flesh desire,or seems ridiculous from this world's point of view, we exercise love and have faith in Him more than we do in ourselves.

This is why it's only make sense that we will be more willing to obey Him when we have intimate relationship with Him and know that He is God. We may have more faith in Him and we will step out of the comfort zone to follow His guidance, knowing that He is with us and He is watching over us. You will treat the pain differently, because you simply do it out of love not obligation. And along the way, you will be transformed, without even realizing that you are in the process. Because that is His ultimate goal of our lives, to be transformed into the image of His son, Jesus Christ, who is also a reflection of God Himself.

=)

Swiny open day

This year, we again need to help in Swinburne open day & again, am responsible for the robot arm demo...

Unfortunately, we didn't keep the program from last year so FS used a student project on that day, which was detecting objects at random position & move them to desired positions, which was quite cool, but it was not really accurate + it didn't run forever. When Man saw it, he wasn't happy that the robot stopped moving! So, we had to make it move non-stop... hmm put it in a loop, but tricky part of it is that it picks and drops... So how can we do this?

An idea just poped up in my head, do a triangle! & so I wrote the program just to do so, as recorded in the video; Now, at least it's moving non-stop ^^

BANG! the bullet

BANG! is a board game for 3-8 players. We play this game quite often & we ♥ it. FYI, it's not a simple game, but once u've learnt how to play, it's fun^^ BANG!'s its own blog too, check it out: "BANG! card game blog"

5 player roles: +1 Sheriff +1 renegade +1 deputy +2 outlaws Matt - Sid Ketchum as the Sheriff & the rest random roles are played by: Steven - Pedro Ramirez Aiji - Molly Stark Eddi - Pixie Pete Lynn - Jose Delgado

The longest one I played so far, even after 'a fistful of card' is in effect, Matt(sheriff), Lynn, & Aiji were still in play for few rounds! It lasted that long because the sheriff didn't know which of them was the vice (apparently the renegade disguised himself well). The 2 outlaws were quite obvious, & they were killed at about the middle of the game. Then it was war between deputy & renegade with sherriff trying to speed up the murder & build up good hand at the same time =p

It seemed endless coz Molly Stark kept getting a missed card & Jose Delgado kept trading 2 blue cards with 4 new cards and attacked me. Plus, whenever the sheriff shot Lynn, her barrel in front of her worked! (Matt was somewhat convinced that Aiji was deputy ~Teehee~~) Only after I played cat balou on the barrel it was easier to take her down, and yes she died, and the identities were revealed... Lynn was the Deputy ^o^

But even after losing the vice, The sherrif was still strong; his ability allowed him to trade 2 cards for a life point, so he was still strong even after he was hit by Russian Roulette, + he's got a volcanic! So, unlike Molly n Jose, he wasn't hurt from the 'fistful of card' + he got to draw 2cards at the beginning of his turn, which were both 'BANG!' and that's how he killed the renegade!

Finaly, game over!

Store up treasure in Heaven

where no thief  breaks in & no moth destroys

Half way through DEEPER, I am almost like a social outcast without facebook! Man, I would normally surf FB every now and then, but what do I do now? ~C'mon, gal, fill it up with something else~~ That's the whole point of fasting from FB anyway, to use my time to seek more of God =v= oh yeah, what can i read or hear that can give me more revelation of God?

There are plenty resources I can choose from, to regularly meditate on:

1. the gospel of John, a chapter a day; It's full of Jesus' teaching while He was still on Earth.

2. daily SOAP journal email from church in the season of DEEPER

3. heartlight.org today's devotional

Yet, today I meditated on "American Dream" by casting Crown, which led me to this literature.

The most wise and wealthy king of Israel, king Solomon, who wrote the book of Proverbs, also wrote a journal on the meaning of life, as recorded in the book of Ecclesiastes:

I, the teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem.I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens.
What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
[Ecc 1:12-14]

I said to myself, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.”

But that also proved to be meaningless. [Ecc 2]

The king said, "A person can do nothing better than to find satisfaction in their own toil."

Yet he also said, "When I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind"

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is the gift of God, for without Him, who can eat or find enjoyment?

And I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him."

The wise king concluded: Now all has been heard, here is the conclusion of the matter: 
[Ecc 12]

"Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind."

"For God will bring every deed into judgment,

including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

[also in Ecc 3:17] “God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed.”

Most importantly, Jesus said,"What good is it if anyone gains the whole world yet loses his soul to eternal death?"

So, dear Lord, let Your Spirit keep reminding me on what really matters in this life, what lasts forever, & help me to focus more on them as it pleases You. Amen.