I was so tired of trying hard and keep not getting it! Do i really have what it takes to be a researcher? I am just mentally tired and Jesus, i really do need rest for my soul, i know i haven't been walking with you as much lately, and i am exhausted of trying on my own, just forgive me and talk to me, please?
@God: I am reaching church in 10 minutes, seeking Your peace and rest for my soul, so do answer me, will you? (as if He's obliged to do so?)
When the musicians play the worship songs, it just came to me that I had been treating God as this Powerful Spirit that can grant all my wish and make my life easier...
Let me ask you now, who is serving who?
<> Have I really spent time with Him more than just the uttering of my needs? He is not any genie in the lamp or some wish granter lower than human being, so why would He respond to such a selfish wish of yours, lady?
<> Have you been pleasing to Him at all, or you have gone away from Him to please your own flesh? You know what is going on there~~
Yeah, i know, i am sorry Lord , here i am *guilty*. Will you... take me back, by grace?
Really, all He requires is just me spending some quality time to know more of Him and i have neglected it, again and again. I can understand if He gets frustrated with me, and yet, His love endures forever?
"Did you see me when u were on the cross Lord Jesus?" And i knew the answer dearly, yes He told me so. And once is enough to say how much He loves me, even with my flaws, and He promised He would wipe my tears off if I would come back to Him in repentance. Well, even though physically i wiped my tears off myself at that point of time, i took the step towards Him and rested in His peaceful presence...
Oh, God I can't stand it anymore, i don't want to continue being where You are less appreciated. Can i just do church ministry instead of engineering research, will you give me the opportunity to switch?
*...silence* Fine, i'll stay where I am, just don't turn Your back on me, i'll be miserable without You.
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