The story of Simon Peter-the rock

Spiritual journey of Simon Peter from a fisherman to a fisher of men
by Bill Crowder - RBC ministry

It was by the lake of Gennesaret, that is at the sea of Galilee, in the morning, Jesus went onto Simon's boat and taught the crowd from the boat. After He has finished speaking, Jesus told Simon to let down the net for a catch. As a fisherman, Simon Peter knew that it is just not possible to catch fish at that place at this time, especially that day because even though they had worked hard all night, they haven't caught anything. But Simon respected Jesus highly,. and he replied," Master, we've worked all night and caught nothing, but because you said so, I will let down the nets."

At that time, Simon has met Jesus probably three times and he has heard his teaching. He also acknowledge Jesus as 'Master' or the word in Greek used is for 'captain of the boat'.

Despite everything that he's learnt as a fisherman told him that it is such a foolish act, he did so just to please the master. He certainly did not expect any catch that time, and when he saw the miracle, he felt guilty, probably because first of all, he realized that he did not believe Jesus could do it, and secondly he acknowledge that he realizes that Jesus came from the Holy God and he is is so far away from God's holiness. He fell at Jesus' knees and said,"Go away from me Lord; I am a sinful man!" But Jesus told Simon not to be afraid, and that from now on Simon will fish for people. So Simon Peter pulled the boat up on the shore, left everything and followed Jesus. He made a wise choice not to be occupied by the abundant catch of fish and fix his mind on the source of the blessings.

So Peter followed Jesus closely and observe His words and miracles He performed, and God then revealed to him that Jesus was the promised Messiah that they have been waiting for, even though he did not understand what Jesus as the Messiah had come to do [Mat 16:13]. So, Simon Peter made up his mind to follow Jesus not knowing that Jesus would surrender Himself to the Roman soldiers.

At the last supper Jesus warned him about his betrayal," Simon, satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you Simon, that your faith may not fall." and Simon replied, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and death." He thought he could handle it, and he did try to fulfill his promise when the soldiers came and looked for Jesus. But things didn't go as he expected it would be, Jesus did not fight back and fear started to crawl into his mind, what's going on here? He followed Jesus into the house of the high priest, yet to protect himself, Simon Peter denied Jesus three times, without realizing what it really meant. And when he heard the rooster crowed, he remembered Jesus warned him that indeed he would disown Jesus three times. At his point, he went outside and wept bitterly [Luke 22:54-61] Surely at that time, his pride was shattered, his self-sufficiency has failed him, and what's left in him was shame and sense of failure.

After the crucifixion and even the resurrection, Simon Peter returned to his old life as a fisherman, for he felt unworthy to be one of Jesus' disciples. But Jesus again showed up at the lake where Simon and the other disciples were fishing, and Jesus again brought abundant of fish to them, and afterwards, he had breakfast with them and asked Simon, "Do you truly love me?" and Simon replied," Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Even though in English, the same word "love" is used, but in the original transcript, Jesus used the word 'agape' which means sacrificial love, but Simon replied Jesus with the word 'philia' that means brotherly love, the strong bond of friendship. Jesus again ask Simon the same question, and Simon replied also with the same sentence. At this point, Simon has learnt from the past that he is not that strong and Jesus knows all things, he can't lie to Him.This 'philia love' for Jesus probably all Simon was certain of, not 'agape love'. But the third time Jesis again ask Simon, but this time the word Jesus used was 'philia'. Jesus lowered down His demand from Simon and accept what he could offer, and emphasized, "If you love me (Philia love), feed my sheep."

PhD: what is it really that I am pursuing?

According to dictionary.reference.com, philosophy is the rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct.
If you know me, you'd know that I am much more random and emotional than rational! Why then, God, did You approve, if not appoint, me to take a philosophy study in engineering?

Rational and critical thinking has always been my weakest point!!!!  =(
My deepest being sometimes cry out in rebellion, I don't enjoy this at all! I am wasting my time because I haven't been giving my best since I have been living a life where I have always been told what to do and all I do is obey if I agree, or ignore if I don't understand or disagree. But now, I am supposed to come up with an idea of my own...
THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WORLD. And I did not know what it is like and how things work in that world. Now I get a grasp of it, I was supposed to propose a rational reason or idea that contribute to a particular area, investigate the truth regarding that idea, and come up with a conclusion if or not that idea is valid based on the rational and logical reasoning in engineering!

It's probably too late now that I just began to see what it is all about...
Dr Man has always told me that I always want a shortcut because I am lazy to think, and that is wrong. Now I get it, philosophy is not about the result, it's about the process of thinking itself.
What have you done to proof if or not this idea is valid... That is research!

Indeed, PhD degree is given to a student who has shown, in the form of the thesis, that he is capable of doing a research that is systematic and fruitful, and is ready to be an independent researcher. I was told that too in the 'thesis writing' workshop. I am glad that I was told this before I write my thesis.
"A PhD thesis should be presented in a systematic way to show that you have done enough work to logically present your own idea."

And I know I could have done things better if only I could ignore the whispers of 'have fun, phd doesn't really matter, do what you like.' Yes, these few years, being a PhD student, meeting sophisticated people like Matt, Alicia, Charli, Naomi, Remco,  does shape the way I think about things and ideas and accepting different views of looking at one thing. It is a whole different world where there are not only one 'correct way' of achieving something. Always look for "possibilities", DON'T BE NARROW-MINDED!

Is this a kind of discipline that God intended me to have throughout the study? It probably is, since it is a very important matter for apostolic ministry. Am I supposed to be in that ministry? I don't know, but I am going to focus on this matter rather than to think of the torture/hardship or worry or fear so much if I don't get the PhD degree...