One step closer

Finally, finally, finally! Finally, I had submitted my thesis for these PhD years. Oh, regardless the quality of the papers, I managed to write a thesis of 6 chapters, 120 pages without the references. At last, I have come to this point in this long journey. All my praise goes to You, almighty God!!!

Again and again I was brought back to the story of king Jehoshaphat when a vast army from Ammon, Moab, & Mt Seir marched against Jerusalem, the Lord told him to go on, march down against them and do not be discouraged because the battle belongs to God. Indeed He led the army of Judah, singing praises to the Lord along the way, and they found the vast army destroying each other and they return back to Jerusalem with their plunder.

Another verse that I clinged on to is Mark 5:36. Jesus told a synagogue ruler upon the news of his daughter's death, in  "Do not fret, just believe"
When it seems there is no hope, I shall not fear, just believe in His sovereignty.

Indeed, in a midst of the darkness, there was me with my weakness...
But the Lord has not forsaken me
He has seen my distress
He heard my silent cries
He has attended to my cause
He raised me up to walk on the dry desert
He has prepared the way for my rescue
What He has promised, He will bring it to pass
regardless my doubts and struggles, I am alive, not lacking anything!

I know that this is not the end yet, but I am glad, very glad, that I have the first draft for the very least. It is still a long way ahead, but I am one step closer to my dream of being a lecturer!
Now, I can start planning for a different chapter of life, without research! I want to gain experience in telecommunications industry, and I have asked myself again, should I stay in Melbourne or should I try to do this in Singapore? I am still not clear on this path...

I dreamt a dream & I am pursuing it

although... I am pathetic! Two chapters only summed up to 30 pages, when it's supposed to be 45 pages =( And I don't have the material to write the third chapter... It seems impossible to write a PhD thesis. 
If it is all just for my own satisfaction, I'll quit now n go back home and apply for a job in engineering field... I am sure I can start somewhere, even if it's only in Indo, with my english certificate... I will be happy enough to work as an engineer with a decent salary.

But, is that it? Did God lead me all the way to do PhD in oz just to build friendships and train my characters? I could have done it elsewhere and started working 3 years ago! This is not what I was shown in the dream that I had...

Oh Lord Jesus, it is a big dream, at least big enough to scare me, coz I never imagined myself in that kind of settings, and the path to that place is what scares me the most, it requires critical mind, is my weakest point. But because this is more than just for my own satisfaction, I shall not give up until the last minute eventhough it is all dark now. I just need to work extra hard, and not playing game! And at the end of it I shall look back and praise the Lord for letting me through it!

Adelaide ~retreat~

Estinelle suddenly had this crazy call to do bible college in Adelaide, and I was totally shattered she is leaving. I remember one of the converstations we had:::

A: I hate it that I can’t eat your cooking anymore. I still haven’t learnt much of your dishes

E: You can come and visit me in Adelaide. I will cook and you can also learn then

A: Right! Good idea, what about this xmas???? You’re not going anywhere, are u?

E: yeah, come, you can stay at my place if I have found a place then, or stay at Yar’s

Y: yes, woman, come!

And that led me to Adelaide~ I am so grateful for the trip as I get to be refreshed in the presence of HS. That is the highlight of the trip! And as the bonus to the already wonderful trip was a beautiful-beach-hanging-out-session with E&G

But the best part of the trip is indeed the experience in Yar's fellowship of Christians who are on fire for God! From the first meeting for bible study, the Spirit of God moved so strongly within them, and after one of the ladies prayed for me, I did not anticipate that I'd burst into tears, but that's what happened, few minutes after I sat down near the chair... It was a weird feeling of guilt, helpless and broken in sin, crying out for help, and knowing that His grace alone is able save me… It was liberating!

And I felt the passion for God from these group of people so strongly that it ignites a small fire within me too! Their lifestyles have God being the pillar of it. All the time, bible is within our reach, and every felloship closes in at least 15 mins of prayer! Being in this fellowship really challenged me to change my lifestyle, starting with more prayer and reading the words of God. 

Thank you Jesus, You know that I long for Your presence but I wasn't determined enough to make a difference. You showed me the reality of loving You involves not being afraid of being different! 

~Even though none goes with me~